The Mammy and the Momma

Momma, mammy--so different, so alike, so much of who I am. Lots of mmmm's, lots of giving, lots of love. But however much they appear the same, the conditions that create them are very different, and that difference is why it is crucial to me to embrace the momma and free the mammy.

I remember watching old movies with my grandmother and seeing black women with head scarves clucking and catering to the likes of everyone from Mae West to Vivian Leigh (pictured). I later saw the movie "Imitation of Life" and was both ashamed of and inspired by the love and care shown by the character Annie (Did she have a last name?). I was also intrigued by the nowhere land she dwelled, alone and unloved, even by her own daughter. All those women were anonymous except to the regard they loved and nurtured without being truly included in their "families." They also shared another characteristic, their continued survival (economic as well as emotional) required them to be "loving" and "supportive." Such is the lot of the mammy.

Momma, of course, comes from a very different place. She is multidimensional and is part of the "family." Most important her love comes from a place a freedom and not necessity for economic, social, or spiritual survival. She is aware of her beauty and strength not from her care of others. It is the reverse, her love and care is a projection of her own heart. I grew up with women who at their hearts were mommas, but society both white and black needed them to be mammies.

Mammy is a caricature, and her historical existence is not from the chattel slavery south, but from the period of "Emancipation." (See http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/mammies/) She is a utility.

I've experienced the desire to use women, particularly black women as "workers" for the church and mosque. But it is not just religious settings that call me to sit on the mammy throne. Replace "Scarlett" with any and all institutions, including family. So often it seems that only the mammy is wanted. After all, she's asexual, without needs, without boundaries, without desires except those she is called upon to fill. She's overweight and unkempt, self-care is, of course, selfish and must be avoided at all costs.

How do I free this person and awaken her to her own self? It seems I must embrace her and recognize and honor her humanity, even while the world views her (and she views herself) as a tool. She's not. She loves even knowing that those she loves may join the chorus of negation that bombards her. I will model loving that doesn't require self-immolation.

Called to be a Spiritual Mammy aka Mammism

I've been looking at pictures of mammies. According to Free Dictionary.com a mammy is, " A Black nursemaid, especially one formerly in the southern United States." I've been looking at pictures of mammies because recently I've understood that one of the ways white privilege expresses itself is the expectation that Black people, Brown people, Yellow people, and Red people will be their psychological and/or spiritual mammies.

Often when I've discussed a racist eruption with "progressive" whites they become confused by the very idea that their privilege somehow impacts their ability to perceive racism even when they are willing to acknowledge that racism exists. In the next breath I've been given the opportunity to "explain to them" about what I "think" happened. Intellectuals who will spend years studying the entrails of anteaters or Shakespeare, want to be fed a complete (and make it quick Mammy) analysis of racist acts that suits them. More than this, they've wanted me to gently take them in my psychic arms and feed them through my ample spiritual breasts, all the while rocking them and singing songs of their innocence.

I'm thinking about this in light of the events in my Sangha, in which once again POC are expected to protect our "sweet innocent white babies," even as like the historical mammy, to do this would mean we end up diverting the love and protection due to our own "children." Since we have decided not to don the head rag and the neck kerchief, there is a problem.

Refusal to be mammy provokes anger and frustration because we are supposed to take care of them. That at its core is, to my mind, where the frustration comes from. At this time the Sangha has made clear that we reserve the nourishment of our spiritual breasts for our own. That others think this strange is an indication of how much they need to practice.

A picture of the quintessential mammy in Gone with the Wind can be found at: http://www.gonemovies.com/WWW/Drama/Drama/GoneMammy1.asp