Learning to Love Surprises

Surprise! I had emergency gallbladder surgery. Surprise! Because I had the surgery I am unable to attend the POC Retreat in New Mexico. Surprise! I am not fearful about health outcomes or despondent about my inability to attend the retreat. Surprise!

I have formally embraced mindfulness and recent events have shown how important the practice is in my spiritual development. Instead of wallowing in fear and having erruptions of dissapointment, I have been able to enjoy the tremendous gift of good surgeons, loving friends and family. At the same time, I've felt none of the sadness I might expect with inability to attend the Retreat.

In fact, I feel grateful to know I can weather the surprises of life with a smile on my face (which is my best "look").

I found this poem by Rumi, that I want to share.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and attend them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture, still,
treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Mevlana Rumi (1207 - 1273)


I was blessed to open my door and welcome both the pain of surgery and my inability to attend the POC Retreat with a smile "because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

The Uncovered Me

This is ME! I have uncovered and want to know and be known. More on this "transformation" later.

Joy In the Morning

"Despair not of the mercy of Allah." Quran

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)” Bible

"When you think everything is someone else´s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy..." Dalai lama

This is me, uncovered and swimming in Mercy Oceans. Much has happened since my last posting. I decided to stop covering my hair and wearing Islamic dress. Interestingly, I haven't felt this close to Allah in a long time. Since my last posting, I've had on a swimsuit for the first time in 25 years, entered a pool and felt the water all over my body. I've bought clothes that fit my body. I'm real in touch with my inner 14 year old (smile).

The hijab/modest dress became a cave that I lived in and looked out at the world but was restrained from full participation. For me, it became turning my back on my body and my full interaction with the world. I'll be exploring this more as I continue to explore the world uncovered.

My Internet service has been having many technical difficulties and I've been rediscovering myself and reconnecting with my own heart and soul. I've been blessed with amazing people in my life who in their own unique ways are waving banners of direction and celebration.

The woman is this picture, with her big grin and her huge fish is ME. I'm living in joy and also terrified that so many of my undreamed dreams are not only coming true but abound in my present life.

I attended a workshop on Saturday entitled, "Transforming Barriers with an Open Heart" with Cheri Maples and rather than finding a "recipe" to teach my boys how to deal with the police, I transformed or at least acknowledged some of my own barriers, including my deep belief that I'm not very smart. I had enough courage to say it out loud and received such loving feedback. My heart family doesn't love me because I'm a hard worker or make them breakfast (although, I'm willing to do that and more), they love ME for ME.

I am in tears remembering the outpouring the the hugs I received. I am so blessed and my heart is opening to acknowledge the ways in which I have allowed abuse in my life and accepted mistreatment as "normal."

One of the exercises was to identify your core values that you want to stand for. Here are mine: Love, Gratitude, and Joy. This blog is part of the journey to develop and serve these core values.

So that plump lady is me smiling and on my way, Inshallah, to New Mexico at the end of the month to discover the heart I so love sharing.