Monday, March 30, 2009

Called to be a Spiritual Mammy aka Mammism

I've been looking at pictures of mammies. According to Free Dictionary.com a mammy is, " A Black nursemaid, especially one formerly in the southern United States." I've been looking at pictures of mammies because recently I've understood that one of the ways white privilege expresses itself is the expectation that Black people, Brown people, Yellow people, and Red people will be their psychological and/or spiritual mammies.

Often when I've discussed a racist eruption with "progressive" whites they become confused by the very idea that their privilege somehow impacts their ability to perceive racism even when they are willing to acknowledge that racism exists. In the next breath I've been given the opportunity to "explain to them" about what I "think" happened. Intellectuals who will spend years studying the entrails of anteaters or Shakespeare, want to be fed a complete (and make it quick Mammy) analysis of racist acts that suits them. More than this, they've wanted me to gently take them in my psychic arms and feed them through my ample spiritual breasts, all the while rocking them and singing songs of their innocence.

I'm thinking about this in light of the events in my Sangha, in which once again POC are expected to protect our "sweet innocent white babies," even as like the historical mammy, to do this would mean we end up diverting the love and protection due to our own "children." Since we have decided not to don the head rag and the neck kerchief, there is a problem.

Refusal to be mammy provokes anger and frustration because we are supposed to take care of them. That at its core is, to my mind, where the frustration comes from. At this time the Sangha has made clear that we reserve the nourishment of our spiritual breasts for our own. That others think this strange is an indication of how much they need to practice.

A picture of the quintessential mammy in Gone with the Wind can be found at: http://www.gonemovies.com/WWW/Drama/Drama/GoneMammy1.asp

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Love, Resistance and Refusing to Play Monster

"Your silence will not protect you." — Audre Lorde
"If they cannot love and resist at the same time, they probably will not survive." — Audre Lorde

I love these quotes by Audre Lorde, particularly the second one, which is part of a larger quote about what our children must do in the face of racism. Recent events surrounding my POC Sangha has made me reflect on the need to love and resist. Mostly, I've been thinking of the "bait" we are offered in dealing with the racist eruptions. The trick is that often those displaying racism will only acknowledge something is wrong when they are afraid.

Often when I've been frustrated in the face of that unacknowledged reality, I've taken the bait and have played "monster" to their "innocent." Whatever initial satisfaction I've received from my metamorphosis is brief. The "innocent" will acknowledge something is in fact wrong--I'm a monster. The racist actions are no longer relevant and focus is now my behavior. This trap is always waiting for me and for us. Strangely, my efforts at high-toned psychological speak or spiritual buzz words have had the same result as the metamorphosis into the "monster."

My best results and the one that is affirming of both reality and my soul is when I use short clear words and refuse to engage in the language of academics. An "untruth" is a lie. There is a need to question each statement. Was the misunderstanding a misunderstanding? (Keep your dictionary handy.) Often the word misunderstanding is a door of escape. A way to not acknowledge what has really happened.

Silence will not save me or you, but neither will "The Monster."

Miss Bettie

love
walking around in tee shirts
riding gold jewelry
and sparkling rings
elegant
casual
comfortable
swatting butts
giving hugs
an anchor for little children
sullen teens
grown women
lost men

that lady
that queen
is my friend
i'm her sister
she said so
she is aunt to my younger son
auntie bettie
who loves elegantly
who gives unstintingly
is an oracle
giving good advice
to those intelligent enough to listen
and will love you even though
she knows you are being stupid
jesus loves like that
muhammad loves like that
God loves like that
and i'm taking notes

Yesterday's Luncheon Menu

when i was younger
complicated
often filled my table
although it wasn't filling
i was proud of the complication
now
as silver begins the slow route
around my head
simple
tomato soup
with french bread
fill me up
i savor the different qualities
presented by both
different and complimentary
like Bahiyyah
who served the feast
with generosity
and love
and compassion
and sweetness
like Bahiyyah
sweet, nourishing
good for me
blessed with Bahiyyah
and tomato soup
i'll try not to burp
sweet

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Rice, Beans and Sangha

I've prepared my West African black-eyed peas and plantain and I'm getting ready to go to visit my "family." They are the best kind of family because they are the family of my heart. I expect we'll have our regular wonderful time, but we share something even more special, I think. We all appreciate how blessed we are to get together. I think all of us are orphans of one type or another and I find great satisfaction and joy with being with people who are with me for me. I'm often concerned we I see people who so strongly eschew the need for deep connection with other people. I was one of those people who was so intoxicated by my own strength and youth that I obtained a sense of power from being "independent." I look back on that younger self with love and pity. I have only become stronger since I've opened my heart and mind to others.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Journey to Taos, New Mexico #1

Mushim told me about the POC Meditation Retreat and as I read about it, I immediately knew that I would be unable to go, but I expressed by pleasure that such an event was possible. As if explaining to a young child, Mushim sent me another e-mail further discussing the beauty and opportunity of the retreat. I read it with pleasure at the idea of the event, but was unclear why she sent me more information. I had already decided that I knew I couldn't attend. After all, I'm a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, whose husband is solidly working class (i.e. our money is small and tight). Early Saturday morning, approximately 1:00 am, while I was sharing a conversation with a dear friend about the struggle of faith, I it occurred to me that I COULD GO. Before fear clouded my mind I sent Mushim an e-mail saying, I would attend, Inshallah. Inshallah, I will. I've sent an e-mail and left a message for the administrator asking for a sliding scale fee for the retreat and I am WILLING. Inshallah, the "How am I going to do this?" will come.

Why I'm Doing This

I have decided to share my life and what I learn because I've been inspired by some amazing people. Among them Richael, whose words and wisdom lift my mind and bless my soul. I hope that my words will be a blessing or of use to whoever happens upon them. I am particularly interested in speaking about my journey of spiritual growth, aging, and menopause. Too many young women in my life either don't have an older woman who speaks frankly about aging or do not have a relationship that allows these kinds of explorations. My desire is for them to know that as women and human beings we are never "done." I am pleased to report that the joy, awareness and contentment I have in my life far exceeds what I experienced as a younger woman. It is not age that has made that difference, but gratitude and awareness. I'll be sharing my journey of gratitude and look forward to hearing from others.